Musings

Vulnerability.

People today have various phobias they are living with, like being afraid of the dark, public speaking, enclosed spaces etc.  I personally hate public speaking but that is not the inspiration for this entry.

Arguably, a lot of people don’t like to feel vulnerable, but there are also many who don’t let that fear handicap their ability to express their emotions.  Emotions are a funny thing for me.  I can talk about them in varying degrees to a trusted confidante, but I can count 1, just 1 person who I allowed to see me at my most vulnerable.  She knows who she is.

Many people don’t want to feel vulnerable because they feel they will not be accepted if they let their guard down.  They may not want to come off as needy or requiring too much handling.  They want to wait it out so a person can show them that it is worth it to express their innermost thoughts, desires, wishes, hopes…dreams.  But how can someone develop a connection to you, if you won’t show them YOU.  Not half of you, but that part that you hold back in your head, the part that is always on the tip of your tongue that you refuse to utter.

Today I had a mini-epiphany while writing The Caged Bird entry.  I say mini because I haven’t yet figured out a way or when, even I could do this.  I realized that if you’re always too afraid to be open, to let your guard down, to say what is really and truly on your heart, not just your mind, you never build yourself up.  You live in an experience that only you can deal with.  You dwell. You never grow.  You stay the same.  You wish that an experience will come along that will change you, but only YOU can change YOU.

I’ve started various blogs at different times, but would always stop when I felt I had nothing worthy to blog about.  In retrospect, I was not ready to blog about topics like this.  I wasn’t ready or crafty enough to spread the message of my innermost fears, talk about a private struggle, or an uncomfortable situation.

Am I ready now?  Only time and the continuity of this blog will tell.  What I do know is that I don’t want my own personal barriers to keep me from my blessing.  What I do know is that if you keep people from knowing you, how can you expect to have any impact on their lives?  How can you be memorable?  It’s like a person running their fingers through the sand.  They can feel you there for a moment, until you spread thin or blow away.

“We’re never so vulnerable than when we trust someone – but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy.” ~ Walter Anderson

Your fears keep you fragile, even when you think you are strong.  Set yourself free. No Gravity.

Video:  Sara Bareilles “Gravity”

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