Relationships

The Marriage Expiration Date.

Video: Jagged Edge “Let’s Get Married” Rmx.

NOTE:  Let’s be clear, this is the silliest way to propose to anyone…EVER.

Meet me at the altar in your white dress
We ain’t getting no younger we might as well do it
Been feeling you all the while girl I must confess
Girl, let’s just get married I just wanna get married.

Yeah, I know the song is catchy…but seriously?  Seriously.

Onwards to today’s entry…

______________________________________________________________________

When you reach a certain age, especially in African households, conversations, sentiments, judgements, beliefs, comments, etc. and what have you consistently revolve around relationships…dun..da…DAH…MARRIAGE.  From the drunk uncle who’s been married 3 times and has 25 kids, to the relative you never thought would get married, the relative who’s not sure if they’re married, the aunty who is always fighting with her husband, the habitual cheater friend, to your parents; everybody and their mama seems heavily invested in the dating prospect of the African Woman.

Marriage in the African household has become less about the person finding the right partner. Oftentimes, it’s just a huge party for the parents.  All parents aim to attend their child’s wedding basically acting a fool. spraying money, and dancing like this:

One can’t even wash their *ss, have an English muffin, or do their taxes before the conversation is poorly maneuvered to marriage.

For example, mother calls daughter:

Mother:  Hey, you don’t sound to good.

Daughter:  Yes, I been under the weather for a couple of days now.  I think I’m coming down with the flu.

Mother: You will not get the flu in Jesus name.  Also,  God will provide you with the bone of your bone, and the flesh of your flesh, and he will bring you your husband, and nobody else’s. Amen.

Daughter: What?  What just happened.

*end scene*

This is literally, how these discussions go in the African household.  I had one relative tell me, “You know, you are not going to look like this forever.  Stop stalling.”   Wait, what?  I’m not?  Clearly, I still haven’t crafted a sternly worded response to that comment months later, but that’s neither here nor there.

I seriously believe an African’s parents success amongst their friends, is measured by how quickly they can get you to the alter.  A parent’s face can go from proud of your advanced degree, to shattered at the thought that their daughter is not married.  It’s quite a macabre event.

From this ———————>

To this ————————->

Terrifying.

But trying to have a conversation about what freaks you out about marriage, i.e being stuck, settling, not ready, marrying the WRONG person etc. is met with a deaf ear. And men and women’s values today are all kinds of f*cked up.  I see a lot of woman marrying simply because they’ve made an investment, regardless if it’s a bad one. And men, you spend a lot of time looking for things wrong, or right, in a woman. Having her jumping through your many hoops, when really, you have nothing to offer her but her misguided ideals of companionship, and not only that, on your own time.  Men today are not like our forefathers and are too busy handing out Arby’s burgers acting like they are rooftop dinners.

Things ain’t the same, they just ain’t.  I for one know that most of you people in the world are miserable sorts and don’t want to be stuck with you, lol.  I keed I keed.  But seriously, people fall in and out of want, in and out of love, in and out of so many things that risking it all these days is not the stuff the fairytale was made of.

But what do I know?

I would be remiss to say for all my quirks and doubts, that the fairytale doesn’t sound nice.  It sounds really beautiful.  I have friends lucky enough to have the fairytale, and sadly, some that don’t.  Regardless, the fairytale would be all the more sweeter…on my own terms.

with love,

Me

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One thought on “The Marriage Expiration Date.

  1. Lol my father, surprisingly, wants me to marry quickly! Naija parents…smh. This was humorous, but sadly too true. But I think it’s done because it’s they want to see their dawta bea froot ooooo!

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