Musings

Acceptance.

Video:  Mateo cover  “Bad Romance”

I find the human experience so inspirational.  Situations can sound so out of this world sometimes.  Sometimes you think when you hear the story of a person struggling with their feelings that you would do better, or be better, etc. But you never know.

The other day I was talking to a girl struggling with her feelings for someone.  I’m not a person who is wordly by any means, but I like to think I can be objective when it comes to human emotion.  She expressed to me that she played with these feelings for someone for years, and recently they talked about everything.  She expressed she never demanded anything of him. Attention, sentiment, affection, validation…TIME.  Essentially she wanted nothing but the natural expression or evolving of feelings.  She told me she was skeptical of the event, naturally so, because time has, and would prove itself to be disappointing. I guess she hoped this event would be cataclysmic. But as life would have it, it wasn’t.  She admitted that over the years she had a habit of turning away and seemingly moving on; acting like she was unaffected or that it didn’t bother her.  She said her seeming apathy could be mistaken for nonchalance but that she was very hurt by the situation. She did what she knew how to do, which was cope.  While listening, I literally experienced a play by play.  It went from, GIRL why? to The Fcuk, Huh?, His loss, This is where you went wrong, You see this is why Guys do this sh*t, to ultimately…love, in action, makes no sense.

Love for someone, however messy it seems, can make you ignore common sense.  Your love, or interpretation of it can make you settle for less, be manipulated, say you’re done and try again, make excuses, etc.  Or, it could make it all worth it. I don’t know yet.  However, it made me think, we all want real love, we all want company, we want a partner etc.  However, we settle for things that won’t get us closer to that or prevent us from really cultivating that ultimate partnership situation.  Human beings weren’t really built to be alone, but how far will we go in order to get that sense, that organic connection?

She told me for the first time she didn’t wait around to speak her mind.  Basically she told him how things made her feel.  His response was she always found a reason to be upset about something and that he felt they were a lost cause. This was a girl who said she didn’t ask to talk on the phone, demand dates, skype, etc.  It really wasn’t even part of her personality.  Even when she felt like yelling, she said she didn’t.  When he told her he wanted peace,  I feel like resignation is too simple a word to describe how she felt.  I’m not painting this chick out to be Saint Innocent.  Simply stated, all she wanted was the little things to make all the time between, wasted or not, to be worth it.  She did accept blame. She said most people won’t know what you’re feeling unless you tell them.  If you condition a person to think this stuff doesn’t affect you, they’ll think it doesn’t affect you.  She said she never wanted to be one of those melodramatic girls that flipped her sh*t every time she didn’t get her way.  She didn’t want to be one of those needy types.  She admitted that in fighting that part of her feelings she didn’t adequately express how she wanted or needed to be treated.  Further, her fear of giving and being rejected for giving, stunted her actual giving. Ultimately though, however way she cut it, she did express enough over the years to, at the very least, deserve better from him.  This girl was not looking for sympathy.  She didn’t ask for a single bit of advice. I watched her go through the process.  It was then I knew, regardless of what happened, a part of her would always love this man.  She said, as hurt and as taken aback by his response of how she supposedly acted, she didn’t give him much of a reason to be otherwise.  She said she would always regret that, but that she was ready to accept it.  Something she truly never did.

“There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.”
John Lennon

This man, or any person for that matter could have their reasons for why they do the things that they do.  But for the person struggling to get over, you gotta love yourself first to do it the right way. Somebody’s else’s reasons but your own be damned.  To that girl seemingly ready to embrace life, let go of that fear, even if it means letting go of the past that for whatever reason, holds meaning in your life.  Sometimes the only thing you can do, is smile, or cry that it happened.  And then. Let. It. Go.

 

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